So you just broke up and want to move on but that seems nearly impossible(why?)-because you still feel somewhat emotionally attached to your former lover or you’ve been been in a very bad relationship for years and feel it’s about time you come out of it;Well Guess what, you are not alone.
Recovery from a heartbreak can be short term or long term depending on the heart broken but both pretty much follow the same pattern so we go through the following stages:
Denial:We tend not to accept the truth-the end of the relationship
- Anger:In our frustration,our love tend to turn to dislike/hate
- Bargaining:Wanting to behave differently so it could work out
- Depression:Turning off emotional switch and wanting never to love again
- Acceptance:Finally accepting it’s all over and all hope to restore such a relationship is over
I recommend the following steps to overcoming a broken heart and moving on:
1).Know,Understand and believe your love and feelings were real:Just because the relationship hit the rocks doesn’t mean it wasn’t real or true.Trust me you’re not stupid,childish,wierd or delusional.
2.)Understand love is always a gift:We love because God first loved us.Never think love is a curse because the relationship ended painfully but rather be optimistic for a better relationship and love life.
3)Reckon that all things happen and people come into our lives for a reason
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”Accept that it wasn’t mean’t to be as what is yours will be yours.
4)Stay in the present:The next step is controlling your stray thoughts such as(Has he gotten another girl already,Is she more prettier,Is he over me?Has she found the one?).Put thoughts such as these out of your mind and do things that makes you feel better.
Excercise to make you feel better:You can try taking up yoga classes,trying out meditations in your apartment and taking deep breathes and relaxing muscles at your place of work.
5)Erase feelings of anger,hatred and thoughts of revenge.When you lose something that mattered to you,it is natural and important to feel sad and angry about it:that feeling is an essential part of the healing process.Feelings such as anger,hatred and thoughts of revenge are left best forgotten, if nurtured could be disastrous not only to you(as it prevents you from moving forward) but to the other person as it could cost them their life-a price too high to pay.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness:only light can do that.Hate cannot drive out hate:Only love can do that”-Martin Luther King Jnr.
6)Let go of the attachment or connections:Do not continually crave for attention from the object of your affection as you could fall into the trap of remaining indoctrinated that your EX is the only person you could ever love.This has proven not to be true on a planet with over 10 billion people
Mark Twain once said “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”.You should care enough about yourself to save up your energy for those who deserve it starting with YOURSELF.
7)Get Support:What other place there is to get help and support other than from family and friends?.Talk to them about your relationship and what you need from them:a support group or therapist also comes in handy whilst trying to recover from a broken relationship.
A word of Advice:Get immediate help if feelings of depression and suicide surface.
8)Know you are lovable:Do not think you need to change or become someone else to become loved again.Sometimes people aren’t capable of giving us the love we need and deserve,which is a fault on their part and not yours.You are exactly as you should be and perfectly lovable just the way you are.
9)Practice Self-Love:Now that you have broken up those connections.Turn off the music that reminds you of your Ex.Make your home look and feel different from when your loved one was around.
As Buddha said,”You yourself,as much as anybody in the entire universe,deserve your love and affection”.
Exercise to make you feel better:Take up a new activity and keep moving;excercise and eating healthy are the most effective theraphy for depression.
10)Know this too will pass:Be patient and optimistic and time will heal your wounds.As you put these bad experiences behind you,you’d find out you’re feeling better and open to love again with a stronger heart and mind.
What else do you recommend to help recover from a broken heart?
My challenge to you this week
Invest your energy in what you want,not what you don’t want.Be discerning about who and what deserves a response from you and what doesn’t.